Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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