At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
