i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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