You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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