he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
