I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
