saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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