The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
