What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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