who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
