I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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