i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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