im six kinds of drunk right now
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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