a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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