Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
