i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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