I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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