i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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