i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
