good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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