my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do herpes really smell.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
