just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
