She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
