he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
