so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
