He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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