He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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