burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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