Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
