I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Your dad touched me again.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
my liver is dry heaving
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
