Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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