Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
