I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
