I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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