She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
