when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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