I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
