Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
