you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
