yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
