I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
