he wants to bone in the snuggie
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
