Im at strip club and am horny
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
