the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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