Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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