I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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