that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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