I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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