How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
