I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
