then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
