Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
