got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
