Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
