1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
