Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
