He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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