my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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