OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
