im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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