I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
