whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
