Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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