My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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