if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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