We're facebook friends in real life
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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