Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
