so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
